I am sitting here by myself. The kids are in McCall's room with a couple of friends playing a board game called The Game of Life. Derick went for a run. For a few seconds I contemplated going with him, but decided that I haven't gone completely crazy yet, so I stayed home. I wish he had left 15-20 minutes earlier, cause it isn't light anymore after 9pm. Hopefully he'll be OK. On Tuesday I went to the outlet mall in Park City with my sister, niece and Zane. While we were in Old Navy I saw a woman walking in to the store with her kids. I realized that even though I haven't seen her in 7 years, I knew her! It was a friend from our time in Holladay. Her name is Erin and she and her husband have 4 kids now. I didn't want to say goodbye when we did. I know it was boring for my sister, but we just kept on talking and talking. There is obviously A LOT that happens in peoples lives over 7 years, and seeing her and her kids was so much fun! Like I have said before, I wish I could just take everyone that I know and have known over the course of my life, and bring them to an island and catch up and have fun, fun, fun... Erin is such a fun, smart and awesome woman. She is someone that you are so happy to be friends with because she has a way of bringing out the good in people. Not everyone can do that, but she can. It might seem weird of me to say this since we haven't been around each other for years, but if you knew her, you would know exactly what I was talking about. Miss you Erin! Different people have come up to me to tell me that they are thinking of me and my family because of the month. Yes, I will admit that the month of July sucks! I had such a hard time sleeping one night because I kept thinking things like: 2 years ago Jake was still here and we went to the park a lot, he had nice long naps, I would have to chase him outside when he would sneak out, he gave me hugs and kisses, when I would say come here Jake he would reply just a second!, and different things like that. And then I would think about that last day with him and how it felt like all hell broke lose when I found him in the water. It was so unreal that this had happened to us, something that happened to other people, not us. But I know that everything happens for a reason, and even though the pain of losing someone is devastating and something you think you will never be able to get over, you kinda do. I am not saying that I am 'over' losing Jake, cause I am not, and doubt I ever will. But it does get easier. I know that Heavenly Father has a plan in store for all of His children, I can't see and know what He does, but I do trust in Him, and I put my WHOLE trust in Him. On the 4th of July, Derick the kids and I were sitting outside on our porch watching the fireworks going up from Memorial Hill. McCall sat close to me, Zane was on my lap, and there was a little space between myself and Derick, where I imagined Jake sitting watching with us. It wasn't something we did on purpose, it just happened that way, and it really comforted me to think that he was there enjoying with us. I think about him everyday, and wonder what he would look like and things he would enjoy doing. I know that someday all my questions will be answered and we will be with Jake again, it is just so dang hard being human and wait until then... In the meantime we will enjoy spending time with each other as a family. I am so grateful for my husband and each of my kids.