Wednesday, July 18, 2012
Tuesday, July 17, 2012
Jake
Tomorrow it's been 2 years since Jake passed away. It has been 2 long years without his loving smile, cute little lisp and bubbly personality. We will always and forever love you, and we miss you tons! I posted some pictures of him and his brothers.
Today I am feeling a little sentimental, old, prudish - I really don't know what to call it. Actually, I am in awe of this amazingly wonderful world we live in. I keep reading these little historical romance novels, and how people used to make everything, and I do mean EVERYTHING. There was no microwave, stores to buy instant clothes, food, even entertainment - you had to do it all yourself. Along with that is the way people viewed relationships between the sexes, the way people dressed and behaved, also how it was just sailors and pirates that had tattoos. It makes me sad to see how much the world has changed in this way. Oh don't get me wrong; I am thrilled that women can vote and own land and businesses etc, and that we don't have to wear long skirts and such, but I am sad that people have gotten desensitized to evil. Whether you believe it or not, I am certain that this world has gotten worse over the last few years because we 'have to accept' everyone. If someone wants to just live together instead of getting married, the world says yeah, go ahead. If someone wants to get a tattoo, the world says yeah, why not, it's art and it's beautiful. Having a baby without being married, or being a single parent because you can't 'find' someone to have a baby with? Go ahead. You are attracted to the same sex? Have at it. No mentioning God anywhere because it might offend someone? Let's drop God then. ALL of this is making us desensitized, and quite frankly it scares the living daylights out of me. I don't want my kids growing up thinking that this is the norm, and that what is being taught at home is unusual, old fashioned or whatever you might call it. Marriage really IS ordained of God between a man and a woman, your body IS a temple so don't spoil it with tattoos and piercings, drugs and alcohol ARE harmful to your body, and just because people don't believe in God, doesn't mean that that is true. There really and truly is a real God, He lives and loves us and want us to return to Him again someday. People might say this world would not have cancer, wars, terrible people in them that harm others if there truly was a God, and so on. Well, they don't understand the word AGENCY then. How could a loving, unchanging God have sent us here to earth to live and be tried if He had to interfere with everything? He couldn't. Yes, there most certainly are a whole bunch of bad and horrible people in this world, making bad and horrible choices. I know first hand what it is like to have a dad that made terrible choices that affected his family. BUT! That doesn't mean that I have to make bad and horrible choices too. YOU have to figure out a way to get a close relationship with your Father in Heaven. Turning away from Him because things aren't going right doesn't hurt anyone except for yourself. He is ALWAYS there waiting for you to come to Him. I have decided that the older I get the less I care about what people think of me. I know what I believe and in whom I trust. If my kids can learn that too, then I will consider myself extremely blessed. I know that bad things happen all the time. Losing Jake could have been far worse than it was. We miss him and wish he was here still with us every single day. But we also know with certainty that there was a reason he was taken from us so soon. That does not mean that we blame God or become bitter. It means that there is more that goes on between heaven and earth than what we know, and we trust in our God. Like I said in the beginning, I truly am in awe of this amazingly world we live in. We have indoor plumbing, air conditioned houses, furnaces, fridges, freezers, gas or electric stoves and ovens, washers, dryers, dishwashers, cars, cell phones, computers, exceptional intelligence, and on and on and on. What we desperately need more of is trust in the Lord. Turning towards God again and acknowledge Him in everything we do. Nothing on this earth happened by chance. God knew exactly what He was doing and He still does. Teaching our kids to build their own personal relationship with our Heavenly Father has got to be the thing we strive for in this world, and then if they can do that, I have no doubt that they will come to know of all the good and beauty this world has to offer. Am I old fashioned in my way of thinking? Maybe. But I do believe that this is for the best for my kids and essentially for the world - to return our thanks to the God that created us and this wonderful planet we are so fortunate to live on.
Thursday, July 12, 2012
I am sitting here by myself. The kids are in McCall's room with a couple of friends playing a board game called The Game of Life. Derick went for a run. For a few seconds I contemplated going with him, but decided that I haven't gone completely crazy yet, so I stayed home. I wish he had left 15-20 minutes earlier, cause it isn't light anymore after 9pm. Hopefully he'll be OK. On Tuesday I went to the outlet mall in Park City with my sister, niece and Zane. While we were in Old Navy I saw a woman walking in to the store with her kids. I realized that even though I haven't seen her in 7 years, I knew her! It was a friend from our time in Holladay. Her name is Erin and she and her husband have 4 kids now. I didn't want to say goodbye when we did. I know it was boring for my sister, but we just kept on talking and talking. There is obviously A LOT that happens in peoples lives over 7 years, and seeing her and her kids was so much fun! Like I have said before, I wish I could just take everyone that I know and have known over the course of my life, and bring them to an island and catch up and have fun, fun, fun... Erin is such a fun, smart and awesome woman. She is someone that you are so happy to be friends with because she has a way of bringing out the good in people. Not everyone can do that, but she can. It might seem weird of me to say this since we haven't been around each other for years, but if you knew her, you would know exactly what I was talking about. Miss you Erin! Different people have come up to me to tell me that they are thinking of me and my family because of the month. Yes, I will admit that the month of July sucks! I had such a hard time sleeping one night because I kept thinking things like: 2 years ago Jake was still here and we went to the park a lot, he had nice long naps, I would have to chase him outside when he would sneak out, he gave me hugs and kisses, when I would say come here Jake he would reply just a second!, and different things like that. And then I would think about that last day with him and how it felt like all hell broke lose when I found him in the water. It was so unreal that this had happened to us, something that happened to other people, not us. But I know that everything happens for a reason, and even though the pain of losing someone is devastating and something you think you will never be able to get over, you kinda do. I am not saying that I am 'over' losing Jake, cause I am not, and doubt I ever will. But it does get easier. I know that Heavenly Father has a plan in store for all of His children, I can't see and know what He does, but I do trust in Him, and I put my WHOLE trust in Him. On the 4th of July, Derick the kids and I were sitting outside on our porch watching the fireworks going up from Memorial Hill. McCall sat close to me, Zane was on my lap, and there was a little space between myself and Derick, where I imagined Jake sitting watching with us. It wasn't something we did on purpose, it just happened that way, and it really comforted me to think that he was there enjoying with us. I think about him everyday, and wonder what he would look like and things he would enjoy doing. I know that someday all my questions will be answered and we will be with Jake again, it is just so dang hard being human and wait until then... In the meantime we will enjoy spending time with each other as a family. I am so grateful for my husband and each of my kids.
Tuesday, June 19, 2012
Honestly, just when I think I have figured out how to post pictures here in the right order, I get confused and they are not in the order I wanted them in! Well, at least I got to post some:) It's from Zane's birthday, McCall and Zane in their Sunday best and McCall and his friends enjoying the summer with an ice cream cone.
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