The funeral to our nephew Ethan, was beautiful. Bryce and Mar had written some really nice things. It made us cry, but in a sad, happy way. Weird, I know.

The kids are having a sleep over in the living room. Derick fluffed up the love sacks and now they are all on their way to dream land. It's incredibly nice that McCall has such a good friend in Bram, we don't get tired of that kid:-) Wish we could just bottle up their sweet innocence. To be 5, or even 9 again, with no cares in the world other than who am I going to play with tomorrow, and at whose house? Nah, on second thought, I'm very happy with my life right now. I've got a wonderful husband and awesome kids, why would I want to relive my teenage years?

Well, guess I should go and see if my dear husband is still awake or not. I know the kiddos are almost asleep, and hopefully so will I be soon, the morning comes too early, especially when there's a sleep over... Who named it 'sleep over' anyways?

I keep thinking that it can't be right that Jake is gone... I was cleaning the kitchen sink today, and I kept wondering if I would be able to finish cleaning it before Jake came to interrupt because he wanted something from me. Whenever I'd be doing some house work, he'd always want my attention. Derick was outside doing yard work today, and he told me that he kept looking up to see where Jake had wandered off too. We know it's going to be like that for a long time still. Around 4pm each day I keep thinking that he'll almost be ready to wake up from his nap. This is SO hard!!!

I keep praying for Heavenly Father to help me, to help us. I really feel that He is. I read something that Joseph Smith had said at a funeral for a 2 year old girl, and that made me cry, it was so beautiful. Here it is:

At the funeral of two-year-old Marian Lyon, the Prophet said: “We have again the warning voice sounded in our midst, which shows the uncertainty of human life; and in my leisure moments I have meditated upon the subject, and asked the question, why it is that infants, innocent children, are taken away from us, especially those that seem to be the most intelligent and interesting. The strongest reasons that present themselves to my mind are these: This world is a very wicked world; and it … grows more wicked and corrupt. … The Lord takes many away, even in infancy, that they may escape the envy of man, and the sorrows and evils of this present world; they were too pure, too lovely, to live on earth; therefore, if rightly considered, instead of mourning we have reason to rejoice as they are delivered from evil, and we shall soon have them again. …

“… The only difference between the old and young dying is, one lives longer in heaven and eternal light and glory than the other, and is freed a little sooner from this miserable, wicked world. Notwithstanding all this glory, we for a moment lose sight of it, and mourn the loss, but we do not mourn as those without hope.”5

“A question may be asked—‘Will mothers have their children in eternity?’ Yes! Yes! Mothers, you shall have your children; for they shall have eternal life, for their debt is paid.”6

“Children … must rise just as they died; we can there hail our lovely infants with the same glory—the same loveliness in the celestial glory.”7

This was said in the 1800's. Can you imagine how much more wicked the world has gotten since then? But, at the same time - the world is also filled with wonderful things and people. There is always good with the bad, and lately I'm trying really hard to look for the good in everyone and everything. That can be hard sometimes...


Didn't mean to get all preachy, just wanted to share this, cause I liked it:)

Tomorrow we are going to the funeral service for Bryce and Mar's baby. Two funerals in less than a week is just not right. Think positive, think positive, think positive. Ok then, enough of me. I am going to bed.

We went to church yesterday. Boy was that weird. We always have to keep Jake entertained or referee between him and Zane. It just wasn't the same. Walking past the nursery without having anyone go in there was also weird. Jake LOVED going to nursery, and his nursery leaders are amazing. Thanks so much to Mary Kelly, Brenda Hills and Todd and Kaci Kelly.

It was good to be able to go to church, just different. I know that that's how a lot of things will be from now on, different.

We also went to the cemetery yesterday. Of course, we couldn't stay too long because Zane was with us, but we like to go there. It might be our new hangin' out spot:)

Right now we are going to do something fun with McCall and Zane, so I better get off the computer...

It's been 3 days since Jake's viewing and 2 days since the funeral. Tomorrow it's been a week since he passed away... It feels like an eternity. We've been so busy everyday since we came home from the hospital, that we haven't had too much time to sit and think about him. But today we have just been home cleaning and picking up around the house. We miss him so badly.

We are so proud of how McCall and Zane did with the talk and prayer. We weren't sure of how Zane would do praying all by himself, but he can really surprise us:-) The Young Men and Young Women sang beautifully and so did Elise and McCall Kelson. We are really happy with how everything turned out.

Unfortunately, we had to go back to the hospital again yesterday. Not for us this time, but for Derick's brother Bryce and sister in law, Maria. She was 22 weeks pregnant, and went in to labor yesterday morning. There was nothing they could do to save their beautiful baby boy. He was so cute. They named him Ethan Matthew. Maria told us that since he had to pass away she was glad that Jake would be there with him. We agree. I think we need a break from sadness. Life is supposed to be joyful, so let's find something fun to do.

Thought I'd write the viewing and funeral arrangements here for Jake. There will be a viewing on Wednesday the 21st, from 6-8pm, at Olpin-Hoopes Funeral Home in Heber. The address is 288 N. Main, Heber, Ut, 84032. The funeral will be held at the 2nd ward church building on Thursday the 22nd. There will also be a viewing there from 9:30-10:30am. The funeral will start at 11am. The address for the church is 1102 S. Center Street, Midway, Ut, 84049. There will be an obituary in The Salt Lake Tribune and The Wasatch Wave tomorrow.

It was surreal to sit at the funeral home and make all these arrangements for Jake. We also went to the cemetery to pick out a plot for him. We got one for ourselves at the same time, so we can be buried by each other. Ok, gotta do some other things now...

Our sweet, sweet boy passed away last night. One second he was there the next he was gone. I have never seen anyone die before, so I didn't know what to expect. It was the most peaceful and beautiful thing I have ever experienced. We started crying and we were sad, and then we just stopped. It was if we were being comforted, which of course we were. We will never stop missing Jake, ever - but we know he is with Heavenly Father, so how can we be too sad?

We came home late last night and told our boys. We spent a few hours talking, crying and laughing with them. They should have been in bed, but it's summer and we haven't been home with them for a couple of weeks, so who cares? It's such a comfort to be here, at home with them. They are stronger than we think.

Remember, there is a reason for EVERYTHING! Haven't found out yet just what this reason is, but we know he didn't die without a plan.

We love you all. Thanks, again for being here for us:-)

Didn't feel like writing anything yesterday, so I didn't.

I think this whole experience is going to make a politician or something like that, out of Derick. It's not right to have to sit and wait for your child to die. During this whole time, this is the worst. If you are a good and decent parent and human being, all you want to do is protect and comfort your child. We can't do either right now and it's heartbreaking. The nurses and doctors are being great(guess I'm back to liking the doctors here again)They are trying to make him as comfortable as they can. Who would have thought that we would pray for our precious boy to die? Whenever he has opened up his beautiful eyes you can see that he is not there. I know that he will be back in our Saviors arms soon.

Found out yesterday that there were another couple here this week with their precious little one, she passed away on Thursday. It was a drowning for them as well. It makes me even more sad that she was their only child. Only 18 months old. My heart aches for every child and parents that are here. Hopefully there are more happy endings then sad ones.

Thanks again for all your love, prayers and support.