I am sitting here thinking about this day a year ago and it makes me incredibly sad. I am crying because I miss that little sweet angel boy of mine. I keep having memories of that kid, of when we would go places or when we would just hang out at home. I took all three of them to a park a few times last summer and he loved it. He would climb and look at me and give me the cheesy smile he always gave me. Sometimes he would get himself into a pickle and I would have to come and help him out, but mostly he just wanted to do things himself, like his brothers. I don't think that it ever occurred to him that he couldn't or shouldn't do something because he was little, he would just go ahead and do it. Life seems so unfair sometimes, and to me today is one of those times. Instead of visiting his grave, I should be able to hug him and hold him close. I long for the day when I can hold him in my arms again and give him a great BIG hug! Jake, I love you so much and so does your dad and your brothers. There's not a day that goes by when we don't think of you and your silliness. I know you are watching out for our little family.

Yesterday, Doug and Carol came and saw us. They stayed for dinner, we had a nice visit. We went to the grave, and Carol brought a little radio flyer wheel barrow that she put on his grave with a pretty flower in it.

I am so grateful for our family, friends and neighbors. They are what makes this life bearable and I couldn't continue on without all of their love and support.