So I guess I just mentioned in passing that Derick's grandma died last week. She passed away in the middle of the night on November 1st. They think what happened was that she got up to use the bathroom about 2am cause they saw a light on in her apartment. Then at around 2:15am the light was still on, and somebody went in to check on her, and she was laying on her bedroom floor. They think she had a heart attack. I hope she passed away fast, and if the times we are told are correct, then she must have. She lived in an assisted living facility, and they would come and check on her throughout the night. The weird thing about this I think, is how my whole day was the day before her passing. I think about Jake every day, there is not a day that goes by without me missing him and wishing we were together. But usually I don't cry about it throughout the day. Sure, I will get misty eyed and tear up every once in a while, but that Monday he was in my thoughts constantly, and I cried a lot. At home, in my car, at the store - it didn't matter where I was or what I did, I felt him close all day long. And then when we found out on Tuesday morning that Derick's grandma had passed away, I understood the way I had felt the day before. Heaven is a lot closer then you think, especially when something big is about to happen in your life, like a birth or a death. Grandma Smith was a great lady. She cared so much about her family. She had an awesome sense of humor, and I loved her funeral, and the things her kids said about her in their talks. 6 out of 7 of her kids gave a talk, and it was so fun to hear how they all loved their mom so much and the different ways they saw her.

In a way we don't get to know our parents as a person that has a life, because they are our parents, and they don't have a life outside of their kids, right? WRONG! It's a little sad how we sometimes don't take the time to learn what our parents interests are and what makes them who they are. My dad was not a good person. I think he probably wanted to be and maybe he even thought that he was, but what it all comes down to is that he was a very weak human being, who so easily gave into the evil ways of the world. I think that a part of the reason that made my dad this way, was his childhood. I have no clue as to what happened to him as he was growing up, but I do believe bad things happened to him, and he chose to do bad things himself because of it. OK, so this didn't turn out the way I had planned - at all, but I just think that it's important for us to get to know our parents if we have that chance. Just because you come from a bad background, doesn't mean that that is who you are. You are the only one that can chose who you want to be. Hearing how Derick's mom and his aunts and uncles treasure their childhood makes me happy. And I hope that one day my kids can say that they had a happy childhood too, even though they have had to go through the heartache of losing their little brother. My kids mean the world to me, and so does my husband. Be the best you that you can, not only for them, but also for yourself.