Zane really has some golden nuggets at times. He said our family prayer this morning and this is one of the things he said: "We're happy Jake's in heaven, but kind of sad too." We all miss him SOOOO much still and we talk about him a lot. It's bearable that he is gone from us only because we know for sure where he is. I keep thinking that I'm going to wake up anytime from a horrible nightmare, but at the same time I have learned so much from this experience too. It has showed me that I'm a lot stronger than I ever thought I was and my belief in my Savior has increased. Derick and I have also grown closer to each other and our Savior, and sad as it may seem, this might have been the only way for us to grow spiritually. It makes both of us extremely sad that we didn't shape up earlier, but sometimes it takes a tragedy like this to make someone as stubborn as us to realize things. I'm not saying that Jake's death was just for us to learn something, I truly believe that his time was up. People that came to his funeral heard me saying this, but I want to write it down here too. From the time that Jake was a very little baby I had the impression that he wouldn't be with us very long, and that I should look at him a little longer and remember his smile, his face, his laugh. I only told my friend, Ingvild this because I thought it was so awful of me to think something like that, and I'd always get mad at myself and push it out of my mind. I never even told Derick, until we were in the hospital cause I thought he'd think I was crazy. But as I look back on those times that I would get those impressions I believe I was being prepared. Not that you can ever be prepared for something so heart wrenching, but I feel like I can deal with this a little better because of it. Jake will ALWAYS have a special place in our hearts, and the best way we can honor him is by living the way we should so that we are worthy to live with him again one day. Life can be tough, but I know it would be a lot tougher if we thought that death was the end. It makes me really sad when people stray from the church, and when they have children they 'baptize' them. How can anyone believe that children can sin and need baptism? No, children are innocent little creatures and therefore return directly back to our Heavenly Father if they pass away before the age of accountability. I'm being preachy again, I know, but I need to write down things that bothers me at times.

I LOVE my family so much! They are amazing, and my extended family too:-)

Still counting down - 6 days!!!:)