I am so THANKFUL for my family! Each day I grow to love and appreciate them all a little more than I ever thought possible! I am thankful for the incredibly funny prayers Zane gives, for McCall letting us know what a book or a show is about and taking as long as it would have taken us to actually reading the book or watching the show:) and for Derick giving me compliments like he did this morning and making me feel really good about myself:-) Working full time and going to school full time is not an easy thing for my man, but I am so proud of him and for doing this for our family. He 'only' has this semester and winter semester left, but it's hard to look at it that way when you don't enjoy learning what they think you need to learn!

I read one of my friend's blog last week and was inspired to write down things I am thankful for. So here it is: my mom- so happy that she was able to spend a few weeks with us, my sister and her family(including Brenton), my in-laws, running water, cool nights, my messy house, my clean house, washer and dryer, chocolate hazelnut tea, coconut mango tea(decaf, of course), autumn colors, malt machine, my hcg diet working and I can see the results fast!, lunch dates, good friends, Ingvild that I've been friends with for over 30 years!!!, and on and on and on... I think it's good for us to reflect on things that make us happy, sad and thankful. I think you get to appreciate what you've got a lot more when you do.

My neighborhood book club is reading a book this month called "Snowflower and the Secret Fan" it's about a girl that is born in China during those awful times when they still bound the girls' feet. It is so sad to see the way girls and women were treated, it makes me so mad! I don't understand how women could be regarded as almost less than the dirt under your feet. I know it still happens in some cultures today, and it makes me extremely sad. Women are needed to bring children into the world, and a mother's influence (or lack thereof )is amazing. Makes me even more grateful that I was born in a place where they don't look down on women and that I live in a country that doesn't look down on women. I am thankful to be a woman, and to be a wife and a mother. My family is THE most important thing in the whole world to me.

I kind of 'lost' it a little in sacrament meeting yesterday. I was doing fine, and then I looked over and saw Dr.Berg. He was there to help confirm his nephew, Austin. I looked at him and all the memories of the day Jake drowned came rushing back. I was surprised at myself for reacting that way, but I was also so grateful that he was able to come and help us that day, even if Jake didn't make it. I kind of didn't like doctors for a couple of weeks, but so glad that we have them. Thank you again, Dr.Berg for being at home when you were needed, and for helping us out that awful day.

My house is slowly looking like it should, and that makes me happy!

I accidentally pushed a button that made me post what I was writing before I was done - grrr, computers aggravate me!

McCall and Zane started playing sports this week. McCall is doing flag football again and Zane is doing soccer. They've only done it once so far, but they seem to like it. I will take pictures of them and get them posted. I need to post a few pictures, but decided that I'll wait until after I'm done organizing the bedrooms.

I've been crying on and off this week because of taking things out of Jake's room to make room for McCall. I miss that kid all the time, and so want him here with me. He is the funnest and most awesome 2 year old I know. I was reading a book that had a 2 year old in it and it was as if the author was describing Jake. I love him. I am so blessed to have McCall and Zane. They are great.

Zane's friend just called and invited him to come and play before school, so there's my cue to be done for now.

It is the 1st day of autumn today! All of a sudden it feels like time is going by too fast. Everyday I think of all the things I need to do that day, and I don't even get to half of it. Of course, some days are more productive than others.

Seeing how incredibly pretty it looks outside right now makes me really happy, but then I know that soon it'll look dead and dreary and that makes me feel a little sad. I know, I should just enjoy the here and now, but I have always had a problem staying in the moment. I'm always looking ahead wondering and worrying. I am trying really hard not to do that though, so I am telling myself to stop. Enjoy. After all, the snow will be here soon to make it look pretty again. I'm not saying that I am ready for the snow yet, but it kind of makes me want that more then the ugly look I know is coming after all the beautiful colors are gone.

Separating and painting the boys bedrooms is taking far longer than I thought. The time I think it should take to do something I should just triple, cause this is bordering on the ridiculous! I am going to blame it on how many books they have that I had to go through, and the fact that we have been going back and forth in deciding who's getting which room. Wish I could just fold my arms and blink and voila! the job was done! Maybe if I got off this computer long enough it would get done and I could move on with my life, now there's a thought;-)

I was thinking that I should probably try and post some more pics on here, but haven't felt like blogging very much. Don't think I have something to say really, but I know that my mom wants me to write new stuff daily;-) Maybe I'll do pics today, maybe not... This week has kind of gone by fast, and it's weird that it's Thursday already.

Zane has gotten to be afraid of being alone, have I already mentioned that? I can't remember. Anyways, he is my little shadow because he notices if we're not in the same room. I feel bad for the kid, cause I don't think he knows how to verbalize his fears. He tells me all day long that he loves me, which is so sweet. I remember when Mette's son, Nik was little that he would say that to her a lot too, so maybe it's an age thing or a little boy thing? Either way, I am so glad that I have that kind of a relationship with my kids that we can say that to each other, cause I'm sure there are plenty of kids out in this world that have no clue if their parents love them or not. How sad is that?

Going on living my life without Jake is HARD! I cleaned out his closet the other day, and that was not fun. I kept thinking who do I know that has a boy around the same age as him that I could give these clothes to? And then I thought can I really let somebody I know and will most likely see, have his clothes on? Most of them I put in a DI pile but a few things I decided I wanted to give to people I know. Obviously we'll save some stuff, but we're not hoarders(thank goodness) so most of it we'll need to get rid of. We gave his crib to Derick's brother Bryce and his wife, Maria, cause I'm sure their going to want to have kids in the future.

Don't know the next time I'll feel like posting anything on here, so I thought I'd just say that I find it almost unbelievable that in 2 days, Jake has been gone for 2 months. The 3rd and 18th of each month makes me sad. I wonder if it will always be like that. I know that the 'only time' each year that is hard because of my sister dying is the day she died (October 26th) and her birthday(January 15th). But because she is a twin and shares her birthday with our brother Michael, it's not just sadness I feel on that day. I wonder if I'll be like that about Jake's birthday, cause he was born on my nephew Nik's birthday. Why does life have to be so COMPLICATED! There are days I just want to put everyone I love in a bubble and keep them with me all the time. I know I can't do that though, which is why I pray a zillion times a day. I trust in the Lord with all my heart. I know that he knows the big picture even if I don't, and one day I will know the reason for why things happen the way they do.

It's amazing to look at the mountains these days. They are absolutely stunning! Such beauty and color, it's a shame it only lasts for a short while. I love to look out my window and just stare, or go outside and stare. Maybe I'll try and take a picture with my super duper camera:-) I need a crash course in how to operate all the buttons.

It makes me happy when I push the spell check button to see that the only things it wants me to correct are the spelling of names! Misspelling is a pet peeve of mine and I love when I remember to use the spell check button:)

I think Zane is having fun in kindergarten. He started singing a song yesterday that he had learned there. R-E-D, RED, that spells red, firetrucks are red and stop signs are red, R-E-D, RED, that spells red. It's SOOOO much fun when they get excited like this because they have learned something new. I love it!:)

McCall came home with a list of spelling words for the month of September. He thought it was pretty boring because the words are just soooo easy! Well, they are still just reviewing what they already know, and he might not want to complain too loud, cause I have a feeling that things are about to heat up a little... He does pretty well in school so hopefully he'll be able to deal with whatever comes his way. By the way, there was one word that got him. Forty. He spelled it fourty(which I think a lot of people do) but the correct way is without the u when it's forty. So if you didn't already know that, now you do;-)

Went to book club last night and had a great time. The ladies in this neighborhood are awesome. Actually all the neighbors here are. We read the book that Nicki Scott's mom wrote called: "Return To Honor". It's a book about a German's perspective during World War 2. One of the reasons I liked it was because all other books I've read about this(not that I've read that much about it)has been from Holocaust victims or an American perspective. Interesting to see how most of them got under Hitlers 'spell' and just blindly believed in him. Scary! I also learned something I never knew, and I don't think that any of the other ladies knew either. There was actually a POW camp here in Utah, down in Salina! Who knew? War is such an awful thing, wonder why we humans can't just learn from past mistakes. Guess there's just too many people that want power. Pretty sad, cause I've never met anyone that I think is superior over anyone else, but there will always be khaki people, unfortunately.

I have a heap of laundry on my bed that I need to fold. That dang cleaning lady has been reading all day instead of doing chores! The laundry is calling me...UGH!

This past weekend was fun. Friday and Saturday was Swiss Days and I helped out in the scone booth for a few hours. We were busy the whole time! I went back that night with Zane, my mom and sister. McCall chose to go to his friend Bram and play. Derick was in the scone booth from 5pm until they closed (they were supposed to shut down at 8pm, but they went a little longer) We went and saw him while we were there and he was hilarious! Looked like he was having fun, and I'm glad he did:) I wanted to go help out again on Saturday, but it was Derick's birthday and we were having family over that night, so I knew I would be stressed out if I did. It was great having everyone over. I actually 'assigned' people to bring stuff so that I didn't have to do it all, and wow did that make a difference! I am doing that from now on!

I was kind of crankedy on Sunday. I'm thinking it might have been because we took my mom to the airport so she could go back home to Norway. It was so nice having her here, and I hope we get to see her again in not too long. Zane was being his funny self when she was here. One day he asked her to speak English, and she asked him why? He answered her that it was so funny to hear her speak:-) Kids and drunks, they'll tell it to ya!

Yesterday I went and bought paint for the boys rooms. Since Derick had the day off we decided to start painting. We've got one room down, so one more to go! We want to paint our living room too, but I need to figure out a color. Derick doesn't like picking colors, so it's up to me. I'm kind of thinking maybe an orangy color, but I would also like brown. Hmm, perhaps I should bring home some samples.

McCall has had a cough for a few days and he called me from school wanting to go home. I let him, it's no fun coughing like he is, and having a sore throat. But I think he needs to just tough it out tomorrow. He has been acting just fine here at home, which could also be because I gave him a couple of different medicines. I have to remember to give him some before school tomorrow and maybe I'll stop by and give him some more when I drop Zane off.

Today was Zane's 1st day of Kindergarten, I can't believe it! I cried a little before I took him, but I had it under control pretty fast. It's going to be weird not having him here with me all day. I always thought I'd have a few hours a day with it being just Jake and myself. I feel robbed in a way of not having Jake do all the other stages in life that McCall and Zane have gone through. Don't know if I'll ever get used to only having 2 kids at home. I thought having 3 kids was such a perfect number. Yes, I will always be the mother of three, but it's not the same when one is in heaven and you don't get to see him everyday or experiencing life with him. I am not ready for this life to be over, but I will be thrilled the day I get to see Jake again. If you don't believe in life after death I feel bad for you. Why would you go through this life doing all you do if this was it? I am so thankful for the belief and knowledge I have. I love Derick and my kids so much.

My house needs to be picked up again, so maybe I should do something about it. I am going to book club on Thursday, and although I've had the book for over a month I just haven't felt like reading it. Maybe I'll do that instead of housework. I'm good at making excuses for not cleaning. I think I'm surrounded by people who have immaculate homes, wish it could dribble onto me just a little bit. Ok, I've had a little battle with myself and I think that cleaning won.

Midway sure is a busy place to live this time of year! There are happenings all over the place in preparation for Swiss Days. If you have never been here for this event, then come on! Unless you hate crafts and shopping and people everywhere, then Labor Day weekend is not the time to come visit our beautiful city. It's insane how many people can fit into such a little place! I think it's fun and I love it:) Derick on the other hand can't stand it, so he keeps away as much as he can. He doesn't have a problem setting up booths and helping out that way, it's when the crowds come that he flees...

We have such old cars that whenever it's time to renew the tags I get a little nervous. What will the car fail this year? Is it going cost a lot of money, is it going to be hard to fix, is it something relatively easy so Derick can fix it himself, and on and on and on. At least here in Midway we 'only' have to do the safety inspection. I took the car in this morning, and it passed - Woohoo!!:) Our other car needs new tags next month. I will be so happy when we can buy new cars.

Just talked to my neighbor, Dawnelle, and we both agree that we would rather just sit and read books then do chores. The only down side with that is that we're married and our husbands wouldn't like to come home to a mess, which at least my husbands does a lot, unfortunately... But that doesn't necessarily mean that I've only been reading all day. I've probably been shopping or visiting with neighbors or done laundry or cleaned the bathrooms. Actually, Derick has changed a lot since Jake's accident, and having a messy house is the least of his worries anymore. Not that he doesn't want it clean or neat, it just doesn't get to him like it used to.

Sitting here wondering what to do with the rest of my day. It's not fun to do chores when my mom is here, I can use that excuse, right? Speaking of my mom, she leaves on Sunday, and that makes me sad. It's been good having her here. It will probably be nice for her to get home again, cause living out of a suitcase is no fun. Gotta go and get some rootbeer and ice cream as a treat for Young Women tonight.Mmmmmm:-)